Ah, its about that time to update my blog. As a Bear's fan, I'm elated to see that our streak has continued and the Colts have yet to win a game in their new Home. But I'm going to fight for you Colts fans. Maybe we need to stop the demolition of the RCA dome (or the Washington Mutal Arena, or the Verizon Wireless Aren-Colis-Dium, or whatever they're calling it this week). There might be something special about that field, or the crazy air pressure system that used to hold the ceiling up. Earlier this week those fans were shut off and the roof the stadium was deflated.
Should I mention that the Bears play outdoors? In Chicago weather, none the less. We don't need fancy retracting roofs or roofs held up by air pressure. Tell pretty boy Manning to break that complexion and go play in some blistering weather. And this is where Green Bay fans can talk some major trash to me...but they wear cheese on their heads. I win.
This just in from the 'Crap You Already Knew' file. No, not that our government is really corrupt and about to give $700 billion to the richest people in the nation. This week Clay Aiken felt the urge to inform us (and probably got paid) that he is gay. If anyone was shocked or suprised by this announcement, there is nothing wrong with Clay Aiken, there is something wrong with you. I can picture tons of 'Claymates' fainting at the sight of the news as it scrolled accross CNN, and how they called other Clay Fans to spread the news. Now I think we need to find these people, put them in padded vans and ship them off to an island. We can play a little fun game called Battle Royale (think survivor, but you have to kill people or your head explodes...Japanese movies rock!) I think the only time I have been really suprised at a coming out announcement, was Neil Patrick Harris. Really, Doogie is gay? I mean, the dude snorted a line of 'something' off a chick's ass in Harold and Kumar. He was humping the seat in the car in that movie. What happened to Wanda? So many questions, NPH, so many questions.
Lance Bass was another one of those DUH announcements. Back in my high school days my girlfriend at the time was a major N'Sync fan. To the point of where I could find some random N'Sync lyric...put it in a note...and know I was covered when I got in trouble. She was completely obessed with Lance Bass, and hated it when I called him gay. The day the People magazine came out, I emailed her a copy of the cover and a quick Ha Ha! Of course she called me out for being in love with Britney Spears back in high school...but mark my words, she's coming back. And if she can marry some psuedo-celebrity like Kevin Federline...my place on the R-List shouldn't be a problem.
While I wait for Britney to make her way to Indiana and swoop me away to Beverly Hills so I can flash my junk to photographers and wait for it to post on TMZ. Then I'll know I made it. Maybe I can just take a page out of the Washed Up Celebrity playbook. I really have about three options. I can appear on any numerous 'Celebreality' shows on VH1, go in to rehab, or I can come out. So I'm going with option number 3. Here is my 'Coming out Straight' magazine cover from People. I hope they buy my story of constant pursuit T&A while trying not to look like a pervert. Its a harrowing tale sure to inspire.
Its just a strange world that we live in where celebrities feel the urge to inform us of their sexual preferences. What happened to the days when Liberace was just accepted and no one asked, and no one cared?
Now it is time for this week's It Came From The Tubes!
In celebration of their upcoming Album Release on October 20th and their upcoming tour (that ironically no one has money to purchase tickets for) here is the One Man AC/DC cover band. Enjoy...
Until Next Time America....